


Operation: Matchmaking

by ApparentlyAda



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Everyone is done w/ Mattsun and Makki, Getting Together, Inappropriate use of WikiHOW, M/M, Originally meant to be a one-shot but I got lazy oops, Texting, The team tries to get Oiks and Iwa to date
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-13 05:39:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10507398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApparentlyAda/pseuds/ApparentlyAda
Summary: Iwaizumi and Oikawa are oblivious. The rest of their team isn't.(Aka your average matchmaking fic where wikiHOW is your best friend)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so this was supposed to be a completed one-shot for the lovely whale-logic on Tumblr, but I kinda went to Scotland for a few weeks and had no internet and never really finished it?? So it's chaptered now? I'm so sorry omg. Also sorry for forgetting to message you, I'm horrible tbh. With that all being said, Happy Easter my dude!
> 
> Either way, I really hope y'all like this? I'll try to write up the second part as soon as possible, so look forward to that! Thank you for reading!

"Ahh, young love. The chaste stolen glances, the constant thoughts about the object of your affections, the drastic measures you take in the bare, withering, bitter hope that your love might be retu-"

"That's enough, Matsukawa. Just tell me why in the _fresh hell_ you thought hiding in Shittykawa's closet over there with the entirety of our team was a good idea", replied iwaizumi, effectively cutting short Mattsun's dramatic speech. 

"It's all Mattsun's fault!", yelled Hanamaki helpfully as he was getting dragged by Oikawa to another room in order to be interrogated.

 ~

 

"Look, Oikawa-san, I promise we had nothing to do with it", said Yahaba in the best sincere tone he could muster. "We got dragged into it by Matsukawa-san and Hanamaki-san. Kyoutani and I were just on a walk when they came up to us and brought us here with no explanation whatsoever!"

Yahaba attempts to look Oikawa in the eye, but the latter has got on a mock-cheerful facade. He turns his face towards his kouhai, sporting a terrifying glare for less than as second, then closing his eyes and letting out an unimpressed sigh, looking at his perfectly manicured nails.

"I expected the next captain to be better at lying, Yahaba-chan. How are you going to fool an entire rival team if you can't even fool me?" Oikawa dragged a hand through his perfect locks, somehow not messing them up at all. "...But back to the issue at hand. If you really did get dragged into it, then mind explaining how they managed to _force_ you into a small closet with the rest of the team?"

Yahaba stills for a moment, impacted from Oikawa's glare. "Th-They're very strong! Don't you see how they spike? Uhh, right, Kyoutani?"

"Shut the fuck up. Why would I even be on a walk with you? He's already figured out you're lying, just shut up before making it fucking worse."

~

 

"You can trust me, Iwaizumi-san. You know you can. And I can guarantee you that I had nothing to do with it. It was mostly Matsukawa-san and Hanamaki-san, but that's it. Yahaba and Kyoutani were mildly involved too. Also Kindaichi and Kunimi, they came up with WikiHOW, but that doesn't mean it's completely their fault either-"

Watari looks towards Iwaizumi with a hopeful gleam in his eyes. 

Iwaizumi gives him an unimpressed stare. "WikiHOW?"

"...Nothing. Did I say WikiHOW? I meant that they came up with how to solve the issue. I just, uh, didn't get to finish my sentence. Yeah!"

"...What issue, Watari?"

"Nothing, Iwaizumi-san! I promise!"

~

 

"I-I-I-I'm sorry Oikawa-san! We messed up, didn't we? Damn it...It wasn't our fault! I-I promise!"

"Shut up, Kindaichi. Oikawa-san, we were just around the neighbourhood, we wanted to give you two a cake. Because Kindaichi'd been at my house and we'd made too much salted caramel cake. We weren't hiding in the closet, so, you know, it's obvious we weren't involved. Now please let us go, Oikawa-san."

"...Then where's the cake?"

"W-We got hungry and ate it on the way here!", said Kindaichi, proud of his awful lie.

"...Did you just reply to him with a 2008 meme?"

~

 

After the failed interrogatories, everyone gathered in the living room. 

"Look, how about we concentrate on more important things? Like, the amazing and altogether frustrating fact that mantis shrimp can see more colors than we could ever comprehend!" Hanamaki rose from his seat on the couch in order to pose dramatically along to that statement.

"Or I can show you some baby chameleons on my phone! They're adorable", completed Matsukawa.

"Th-There are some cranes that fly over the Himalayas! It's an amazing phenomenon!", kept Hanamaki up with the facts.

At the sight of a fuming Iwaizumi and an impatient Oikawa, Watari slowly rose and pulled their shirts, motioning the two to sit down and stop whatever they were trying to do.

"It was going to work, Watari! I'm serious!", said Matsukawa dejectedly.

"Well, either way, neither of us is speaking!", braved Hanamaki.

Oikawa glared dangerously at the both of them and it was enough to make Hanamaki speak.

"Okay, okay, I'll speak. Geez, you're aggressive. So it all started when..."

  
~

Practice had been tough for everyone that day. The ten starting and on the bench had been split into two teams and made to play a five to five. Because of their incredible power, Iwaizumi and Oikawa had been (unfairly, really) placed together on a team. However, instead of beating their ass to a pulp as usual, they kept fucking up. One time, Iwaizumi was ready to make the jump and spike the ball, but Oikawa had suddenly somehow stopped in his tracks, frozen and staring at Iwaizumi, before suddenly realizing that  _oh, he's the setter_ and setting the ball...badly? Oikawa Tooru setting the ball badly...? and then having to face the surprised face of his spiker.

Then the same happened, but Iwaizumi also fucked up his jump? Just a moment before jumping, he glanced towards his setter, then quickly looking the other way, attempting to look proffessional and hitting a perfect net. Initially a few people thought they were both ill that day or something similar. How else would The Amazing Oikawa Tooru™ mess up his concentration in a game? How would Iwaizumi not even jump high enough to hit above the net? Those weren't even rookie mistakes. They were even worse than those. 

After a few hasty reassurances towards their coach, the duo got back to their original forceful and well-thought attacks, but the incident had surely remained on the mind of Matsukawa and Hanamaki. 

Then, something similar happened at lunch. The four third years were eating, well, the bentos Oikawa had shared with them, since he'd gotten about five in just the first two breaks, and Oikawa was animatedly moving his hands and talking about whatever hairspray he'd gotten or whatever.

"So that's why milk bread is superior to normal bread!"

Oh, okay, so maybe not hairspray. But thing is, while Hanamaki and Matsukawa were openly (and quite loudly) mocking him and his love for milk bread, Iwaizumi somehow felt...Off. He wasn't hitting Oikawa, he wasn't making any snarky comments and, worst one yet, Hanamaki had made a joke about his height and he just didn't react!

But the source of his distraction was sitting next to him, discussing the fucking lack of glutens milk bread had or whatever. The fucking love-stricken look on the ace's face was so unbearably obvious that it actually physically hurt to look at, honestly. His shamrock green eyes were practically sparkling as he attempted to rule down a small blush on his face, drinking in every word his best friend was saying. Then Oikawa suddenly leaned on his shoulder, whining about God-knows what and the previously scary Iwaizumi was now reduced to a mush on the floor. 

That's when the other two years had to retreat to the table of the first and second years on the team in an attempt to let their friends talk it through and stop whatever sexual tension there was before it got worse. 

...They'd forgotten how oblivious their friends were, despite their amazing people reading skills in matches.

If you even glanced towards the table with the two best friends, you'd be blinded by the amount of awkwardness and PDA that was going on. Everyone was screaming on the inside. Mattsun and Makki were covering the first years' eyes. 

  
But the worst one yet happened when they were on their way home. Oikawa Tooru has the absolute worst habit of skipping while walking, instead of walking like a normal person. Most would argue that it just adds to his charm, but when there's a badly asphalted street right across where he lives, it's pretty dangerous. Especially when he fucking trips and the one who catches him is Iwaizumi.Time stops again, the two excessively eye-fuck each other, the whole thing. It was at that point when Hanamaki and Matsukawa knew they had to take action.

 

~

 

Memetsun created the group "#StopTheCaptains2k17"

Hanameme: lame name smh

Hanameme: shouldve let me decide one

Watari: ...why are we here?

Yahaba: Good question.

Memetsun: we need to get iwa and oikawa together

Memetsun: so i decided to ask for ur help

Hanameme: whomst've

Memetsun: wow

Memetsun: an amazing work of art, i must admit

Kindaichi: Shouldn't we let the senpais deal with it on their own?

Memetsun: oh, pure, innocent kouhai

Hanameme: they're never going to figure it out on their own

Memetsun: they're fucking babies when it comes to this

Hanameme: so

Hanameme: are y'all helping us or nah?

Kyoutani has left the group

Hanameme added Kyoutani to the group

Hanameme: i'll take that as a yes

Kyoutani: No.

Hanameme: i can't see kyoutani's messages

Hanameme: i'll assume he's agreed

Kyoutani: I'm not in on this!

Matsumeme: yes u are

Matsumeme: now

Matsumeme: we need code words

Watari: why?

Matsumeme: why not

Kunimi: good point.

Hanameme: #proudparent

Matsumeme has changed his name to Shrek

Hanameme has changed his name to Fiona

Fiona has changed Yahaba's name to Cotton Candy

Cotton Candy: Why am I cotton candy? You're the one w/ pink hair!

Fiona: good point

Fiona has changed Cotton Candy's name to Faarquad

Faarquad: ...

Shrek: what do u want to be named kyoutani??

Kyoutani: no

Shrek has changed Kyoutani's name to no

no: I didn't mean it like that! What the fuck

Shrek: too bad my dude

Shrek has changed Watari's name to Mom 2

Mom 2: could've been worse

Fiona: someone finally appreciates

Kindaichi: Pls don't make mine radish or turnip

Fiona has changed Kindaichi's name to lettuce

lettuce: why

Shrek: it's still a plant, just not a raddish or a turnip

Shrek: be thankful to your senpais

Shrek has changed Kunimi's name to smol

smol: old meme

smol: also why

Shrek: bc u're smol

Fiona: so smol

smol: okay, then why the shrek names?

Shrek: bc it's better than bee movie

Fiona: also we didn't have enough bee movie names

smol: wow

lettuce: OKAY, THEN LET'S DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS AND NOT JUST DISCUSS BAD NICKNAMES

Shrek: okay normie

Faarquad: Seriously, how are we planning on getting them together?

Fiona: idk

Shrek: we havent thought that far

smol: wikihow...?

Fiona: #proudparents

Fiona: the smol has spoken

no: no

no: Can we not

[Ten minutes later]

Shrek: OK GUYS SO WEVE SET UP A LIST OF THINGS WE NEED TO DO USING WIKIHOW

Fiona: HOPEFULLY IT WILL WORK

Faarquad: Do tell.

Shrek: SO APPARENTLY FIRST WE NEED TO MAKE THEM AWARE OF EACH OTHER

Mom 2: they're aware plenty

Mom 2: didn't you see how they were staring @ each other during lunch?

Fiona: I KNOW BUT LIKE

Fiona: OVERLY AWARE

Shrek: STEP TWO

lettuce: But I had a question about step one

Shrek: STEP TWO

Shrek: WE GO OUT W/ THEM IN PUBLIC AND THEN 

Shrek: WE FUCK OFF

Fiona: i dont like contradicting u my dude, but are u sure its a good idea

Shrek: YES

SHREK: ALSO WE'LL HAVE SOMEONE WATCHING JUST IN CASE

lettuce: How won't they recognize us? 

Shrek: Like this [[link]](http://pad1.whstatic.com/images/thumb/d/d6/Dress-Like-a-100-Year-Old-Woman-Step-17.jpg/aid4947054-728px-Dress-Like-a-100-Year-Old-Woman-Step-17.jpg)

lettuce: What is that

smol: damn

Shrek: THIRD STEP

smol: how many steps are there...?

Fiona: six i think

Shrek: five actually

Shrek: WE TALK TO EACH OF THEM ABT THE OTHER

Shrek: BUT LIKE

Shrek: SNEAKILY

Mom 2: can any of you be subtle, though?

Fiona: [[link]](https://68.media.tumblr.com/eb65489b033880171d933823a558bfae/tumblr_on05b8yTTQ1tzofdno1_540.jpg)

Fiona: ouch

Shrek: from our own kouhai

Shrek: ANYWAY

Shrek: WE SET THEM UP TO MEET ON THE ROOF AND STUFF, HIDE AND HOPEFULLY IT WORKS

 

Shrek: AND LAST ONE

Shrek: WE SOMEHOW MAKE THEM KISS

Shrek: THE END

no: Sounds unrealizable...

Fiona: HAVE FAITH IN US

Shrek: NOW ALL OF Y'ALL GO TO SLEEP

Fiona: u need rest if we're starting tomorrow

Faarquad: I don't trust this, but goodnight

Mom 2: i agree...goodnight

lettuce: night

smol: night

 

~

 

When Matsukawa wakes up the next day, he's got a different shine in his eyes. He's usually, despite appearances, not really the most optimistic person ever, but somehow he just  _knows_ today will work out. And truly, what _can_ go wrong when all you need to do is get two dumbasses to be more aware of each other? 

 


End file.
